How Not to Write a Novel: 200 Classic Mistakes and How to Avoid Them—A Misstep-by-Misstep Guide

Name: How Not to Write a Novel: 200 Classic Mistakes and How to Avoid Them—A Misstep-by-Misstep Guide
Author: Howard Mittelmark, Sandra Newman

by Howard Mittelmark, Sandra Newman

Premium

Self-Help

Creativity

“Master fiction by studying spectacular failure; this guide diagnoses 200 manuscript-killing errors with hilarious, instructive precision.”

Key Takeaways

1Learn through negative examples rather than abstract principles. The book operates on the pedagogical principle that concrete, terrible examples are more memorable and instructive than prescriptive rules. By witnessing prose that fails spectacularly, writers internalize what to avoid with visceral clarity.
2Treat your opening pages as a non-negotiable contract. A novel's beginning must establish tone, character, and stakes without resorting to cliché, excessive backstory, or confusing perspective shifts. It is the writer's sole chance to capture an agent or editor's dwindling attention.
3Craft characters defined by action, not exhaustive biography. Characters become real through their choices and voices, not through laundry lists of physical attributes or traumatic histories. A character's essence is revealed in dialogue and decision, not authorial exposition.
4Maintain consistent perspective and narrative voice. Erratic point-of-view shifts and unstable narrative tone disorient the reader and shatter immersion. The book demonstrates how a disciplined, consistent perspective is fundamental to maintaining the fictional dream.
5Understand that plot emerges from character conflict. A compelling plot is not a sequence of random events but the inevitable consequence of characters with opposing desires clashing. Forced coincidences and contrived resolutions betray a lack of internal logic.
6Employ humor and style as tools, not distractions. Attempts at wit that derail the narrative or self-consciously 'literary' prose call attention to the writer at the expense of the story. Effective style serves the narrative invisibly.
7Recognize the professional reader's limited patience. The book channels the weary perspective of agents and editors drowning in submissions. Common mistakes are not merely aesthetic failures but practical barriers that guarantee a manuscript's immediate rejection.

Description

How Not to Write a Novel stands as a brilliant inversion of the traditional writing guide. Rather than offering yet another set of positive commandments, Mittelmark and Newman, drawing on decades of combined experience as editors, writers, and teachers, compile an exhaustive taxonomy of failure. Their method is diagnostic and forensic: they present 200 distinct, catastrophic errors that routinely condemn manuscripts to the slush pile, each illustrated with a deliberately crafted, hilariously awful example of prose that commits the sin in question. The book is systematically organized around the core components of fiction: Plot, Character, and Style. Within these broad categories, it dissects specific maladies—from the "Shopping List" character introduction and "Televised Fight Scene" dialogue to plots driven by "The Almighty Coincidence" and prose suffocated by "Thesaurusitis." Each entry follows a devastatingly effective formula: a mis-example that embodies the mistake, followed by a concise, surgical commentary explaining why it fails and how it manifests a deeper misunderstanding of narrative craft. This structure transforms the reading experience into a series of object lessons. The grotesque, over-the-top examples—featuring vampires discussing sparkling wine, heroes with "sex boiling over," and dialogue no human would ever utter—are engineered for maximum memorability. They serve as cautionary tales that stick in the mind far more effectively than abstract advice. The commentary connects each comic failure to its professional consequence, emphasizing that these are not mere matters of taste but fundamental breaches of contract with the reader. Ultimately, the book functions as both a practical manual for self-editing and a psychological preparation for the publishing industry. It demystifies the rejection process by showing aspiring authors exactly what agents and editors see—and dismiss—within the first few pages. Its lasting impact lies in cultivating a critical, reader-oriented perspective, training writers to diagnose fatal flaws in their own work before submitting it, thereby elevating the craft through the rigorous study of what not to do.

Community Verdict

The consensus celebrates the book as a uniquely effective and entertaining pedagogical tool. Readers consistently praise the hilarious, cringe-inducing "mis-examples" for making lessons unforgettable, noting they often recognize these same flaws in peer workshops or published work. The snarky, authoritative tone is widely appreciated for mirroring a weary industry professional's perspective. Criticisms are minor, occasionally noting the humor can feel repetitive or that the advice is most valuable for beginners, though many experienced writers affirm its utility as a sharp editorial checklist.

Hot Topics

1The effectiveness of learning through negative examples versus positive instruction, with many finding the awful excerpts uniquely memorable.
2Debate over whether the book's snarky, humorous tone is motivating and insightful or occasionally becomes overly cynical and repetitive.
3Recognition of common mistakes from peer critique circles, fostering sympathy for agents who must wade through slush piles.
4Discussion on the book's value for writers beyond the beginner stage, as a diagnostic tool for revising completed drafts.